Erin Gee
Alyssa Hirose
The Argument: Is having a boyfriend actually embarrassing?
Photo via Shutterstock
The Topline
- A Vogue story titled “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” has gone viral
- The story explores a deepening trend of influencers and social media users shifting to becoming less “boyfriend-obsessed”
- Writers Alyssa Hirose and Erin Gee sound off on whether or not this is the case
Free us from the prison of cringe
Lord, please bring us back to the days when the most embarrassing thing we could do was call a teacher “Mom.” In the internet age, somehow the most innocuous things are now being classified as some kind of humiliating status symbol. Parting your hair on one side . Wearing ankle socks . Chasing after a ping pong ball . Parting your hair in the middle .
The latest doomed victim of cringe? Having a boyfriend . A Vogue story is going viral for asking why women are hiding their boyfriends online, opting for soft launches or not posting about them at all. On one hand, it’s possible that this is a smash-the-patriarchy (also cringe) social shift—women don’t want to be seen as having lives that revolve around men. That’s good, right?
Not really. Deeming having a boyfriend “embarrassing” just gives us another ridiculous thing to be self-conscious of. It’s another way to judge women, another way to police each other, another way to omit queer people from the conversation (seemingly only heteronormative relationships apply to the embarrassment). Carefully posing your boyfriend’s hand on the edge of a cafe table for your nonchalant soft launch isn’t chill. It’s quite the opposite.
The debate, in general, feels like what the right thinks the left wants. Can’t you just hear two Trump supporters chatting about it over a cup of raw milk? “Did you hear they’re calling boyfriends embarrassing now?” Simply entertaining the idea is giving them what they want: a slippery slope argument that we’re apparently happy to ride down. Solo, of course.
Social media hardly needs less authenticity. The fear of judgement that had women bragging about relationships a decade ago is the same fear of judgement that has them hiding relationships now. Is having a boyfriend embarrassing? Not unless he’s one of these guys . Is curating an online persona that revolves around your cool girl image embarrassing? Oh boy.
Men are out of style
In 2013, Sky Ferreira told us Everything [was] Embarrassing , and well, bad news, that also means having a boyfriend. At least according to Vogue. But…are they really wrong?
Countless pixels all across the internet have been sacrificed as to why straight men seem to be struggling now. There is the male loneliness epidemic . There’s the increasingly right-leaning politics of men that characterize women as homemakers and caretakers.
Women, meanwhile, are becoming more liberal , at least in the U.S.. They’re sharing stories of red flags while dating, and calling out toxic behaviour on social media. Movies like The Materialists emphasize that relationships and marriage are increasingly a business contract , where men’s value continues to decline.
So yeah, it’s easy to see how flaunting your wonderful, healthy relationship online could warrant some eye rolls.
While straight men have arguably never been less popular, lesbians have likely never been more popular. Over the past 12 months, lesbians have emerged at the forefront of pop culture with artists like Renee Rapp and Chappell Roan actively singing about relationships and sex with other women. Hollywood actresses have shared stories of their relationships with other women, including those who have never previously identified as queer. Social media is awash with straight influencers and every-day women lamenting that being attracted to men is just too embarrassing.
Lesbians on social media flaunt their relationships like a newly engaged woman flashing her engagement ring. They talk about how straight men bring their girlfriends or wives a bouquet of flowers once a year as being a red flag, while lesbians bring their partners flowers and gifts all the time.
There is a chasm between the standards of heterosexual relationships and lesbian relationships, and it seems as though women who date men increasingly want the standard set by lesbians.
No wonder having a boyfriend is embarrassing: you’re signalling that you’re willing to settle.
